


don’t kiss and tell

by sunshineforthesoul



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Humor, Kissing, M/M, That’s pretty much it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:34:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28594812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshineforthesoul/pseuds/sunshineforthesoul
Summary: “Tango?” Chowder says because Tango seems to be the most approachable right now. “Do you have any idea what’s going on?”“Everyone’s talking about the latest edition of the Swallow,” Tango answers, sliding a copy over. “The gossip column’s released its ‘Samwell’s Top 10 Most and Least Kissable’ lists.”
Relationships: Derek "Nursey" Nurse/William "Dex" Poindexter
Comments: 36
Kudos: 208





	don’t kiss and tell

**Author's Note:**

> this fic was inspired by the [most](https://omgdexnursey.tumblr.com/post/639317274043498497/the-samwell-swallow-confused-or-upset-by-your/) and [least](https://omgdexnursey.tumblr.com/post/639328584418410496/the-samwell-swallow-exclusive-deal-mention) kissable lists + also [this](https://omgdexnursey.tumblr.com/post/639334361560383488/the-samwell-swallow-editors-note-she-was-unable) post (thank you sydney)
> 
> this story is set during the frogs’ sophomore year
> 
> check, please! and its characters belong to ngozi

Nursey is suspiciously quiet when he meets up with Dex and Chowder to walk to team breakfast. He’s not _not_ talking, but he seems rather distracted, like he’s thinking about something else. 

Chowder carries the conversation by telling them about hanging out at the volleyball house with Caitlin.

“The girls really like me, I think,” he says.

“How could they not?” Nursey says. “You’re like sunshine personified. Dex could stand to learn a thing or two from you.”

“Thank you, Nurse, for your valuable insight,” Dex says. 

“A couple of them got really excited when Caitlin told them I knew how to braid.” Chowder leaps over a puddle of melted snow on the sidewalk. “It was fun, like a movie sleepover. We were all eating popcorn and braiding hair and talking.” 

“Aw Dexy, you should grow out your hair a little so _we_ can have a frog sleepover and Chowder can braid your hair.” 

“I’ll pass.” 

“You’re no fun.” 

“I’ve heard.” 

“We _should_ have a frog sleepover soon,” Chowder says. “It’s been a while.”

They enter the dining hall and stop short. 

“Holy shit,” Dex mutters. 

The students — and even more so, the hockey team specifically — have erupted into absolute chaos. The buzz of intense chatter fills the room. Food is flying through the air. Someone’s actually standing on the tables. 

“What the fuck is going on?” Dex says. Nursey shrugs. “Why can’t we ever have a normal day at this fucking school?”

They carefully walk over to the table where the rest of the hockey team is, not wanting to disturb the massive, heated discussion happening. 

“Tango?” Chowder says because Tango seems to be the most approachable right now. “Do you have any idea what’s going on?”

“Everyone’s talking about the latest edition of the Swallow,” Tango answers, sliding a copy over. “The gossip column’s released its ‘Samwell’s Top 10 Most and Least Kissable’ lists. I figured I could ask questions about it later, so I haven’t really been listening.”

“Jesus Christ,” Dex scoffs. “I’m going to get something to eat.”

Chowder picks up the paper, already open to the gossip column. “Aw they put me on Least Kissable!” he exclaims. “Oh. Wait.”

“What?” Nursey asks, peeking over his shoulder. 

“They said it was because me and Cait are dating and they’d feel weird putting me on most kissable.” Chowder sits down. “That’s sweet, I guess.”

“Who’s most kissable?” Nursey inquires, sitting next to him.

“Ransom.”

“Eh, that’s valid,” Dex says, taking a seat on the other side of Chowder. 

Nursey reaches around Chowder to steal one of Dex’s apple slices. 

“Hey!” Dex protests.

Nursey holds his pointer finger up. “Can it Poindexter, we’re reading.”

“For the love of God,” Dex mumbles. “Who else is on least kissable?” 

“It’s really not that important—” Nursey blurts out, but Dex is too busy scanning the list to notice him tensing slightly. “Wait—”

“‘Possible cryptid nature aside, Will just seems too… uptight to be a good kisser’.” Dex reads. “‘I have a reliable source that says he’s ‘way too unchill’ and I’m inclined to believe him’.” His jaw tightens and he looks up. “Nursey did you write this?”

“No,” Nursey snorts. “Why would I waste my time writing for the Swallow?”

“Guys…” Chowder says.

“They _quoted you.”_

“Dex, they _ambushed_ me. They wouldn’t leave me alone until I gave them an answer.” Nursey fidgets with his napkin. “I just said it ‘cause I thought it’d be funny and would get them to go away.”

“I find it terribly convenient that you aren’t on either of these lists.” Dex narrows his eyes. “Is that why you were so quiet this morning?”

“Okay, I will admit I _knew_ about it, but again. I didn’t _write it.”_ Nursey snatches another apple slice.

“I can’t do this with you right now.” Dex rubs his temples. “Let me eat in peace.”

“I don’t know if that’s really possible today,” Nursey says. 

They tune in to hear Holster shouting, “Jack Zimmermann’s on _both_ lists. He doesn’t even _go_ here anymore — He graduated last year!” 

Farther down Lardo’s high fiving Bitty. “Nice job making the list brah,” she says.

Bitty flushes. “This is all silly nonsense anyways. It doesn’t really mean anything.”

“You can say that because you made the most kissable list!” Holster says.

“Holtzy—” Ransom starts. 

“Don’t ‘Holtzy’ me. You’re the number one most kissable!” 

Dex lets out the most dramatic sigh he can muster. “This team is so stupid.” 

“Hey, you’re on this team too,” Nursey says. “You’re as much a passenger in this clown car as anyone else.”

Lardo and Rans try their best to placate Holster, but Bitty’s promise of a pie when they get back to the Haus finally gets him calm enough to eat his hard boiled eggs. His scowl remains etched on his face, but he’s not yelling anymore. 

“You boys are welcome to come by for pie too,” Bitty says to the other end of the table. “Lord knows there’ll be enough for you.” 

When the team gets up to leave, those that have class disperse. The rest cut through the quad to get to the Haus. Bitty and Lardo lead, with Holster and Ransom behind them, and the frogs bring up the rear. 

Holster stomps along, shoulders hunched, steam practically coming off of him. 

“Are you still mad about the teeth thing?” Ransom asks under his breath. 

Holster pouts. “I’m very kissable.”

“I know,” Ransom says gently. 

Dex isn’t mad, exactly, but he doesn’t feel like talking and he doesn’t care if Nursey thinks he’s mad at him. They’ve almost made it across the quad without an argument when Nursey speaks up. 

“Yo, can you chill Poindexter? I didn’t write the Least Kissable List.”

Dex crosses his arms across his chest. “That’s exactly what you’d say if you did though.”

Nursey screws his face up. “What the fuck would I say if I didn’t then?”

“The same thing.” 

“You’re impossible.” 

“I’m not talking about this anymore,” Dex says. 

“Good. Neither am I.” 

“Good.” 

They hang out in the living room while Lardo plays _Guitar Hero_ and Bitty gets to work making pies. Ransom and Holster mysteriously disappear up to the attic. 

Once the scent of baked goods starts wafting through the air and they get absorbed watching Lardo crush the boss battles on hard like it’s nothing, the Swallow is mostly forgotten. 

Ransom and Holster reappear when Bitty calls out that the pies are done, and everyone pretends like they can’t see the bruise dipping below Ransom’s shirt collar. Nursey brings Dex a slice of pie and sits down next to him on the couch and they don’t talk but Dex figures it means that they’re over their earlier discussion. 

Later, Dex leaves the Haus to go to his afternoon class, ready to put this whole “least kissable” thing behind him.

  


__

* * *

  


Nursey, it turns out, is not. 

Dex is alone in his room when someone knocks on the door. His surprise multiplies when he opens the door to find Nursey standing in the hallway. 

“Hi?” Dex says. 

Nursey grins. “Sup. Can I come in?”

“Uh. Sure.” Dex blinks and steps back to let Nursey in. He watches Nursey wander around his side of the room, eyes sweeping over his belongings. 

He leans back against his desk. “So. What are you doing here?” 

Nursey whips his head around to look at him. “It’s nice to see you too, Dex.” 

Dex rolls his eyes. “Answer the question.” 

“I’m checking in on your emotional state.” 

“What?” 

“You know…” Nursey stops in front of him. “About yesterday.”

Dex frowns. “Yesterday?” It takes him a second to remember team breakfast. “Nursey, seriously, I’m not upset about being on the least kissable list.”

“Then what’s up with your attitude?”

“I was maybe kind of upset because I thought you wrote it.”

“But why would you think that?”

“Because you would put me on there if you did.” 

Nursey has the audacity to look offended. “No I wouldn’t!” 

Dex furrows his brow. “You sound awfully sure about that.” 

“And besides, how would I even know?” Nursey continues like Dex hadn’t spoken. 

“You wouldn’t.” 

“Well.” Nursey puts his hands on the desk, trapping Dex against it, and looks up at him through his eyelashes. “We could change that.” 

Dex’s face grows hot, and he drops his gaze to Nursey’s collar. “You want me to… kiss you?”

Nursey makes a face at him. “You don’t have to sound so grossed out by it.”

“No, it’s just. I didn’t think you would.”

“What, I can’t kiss my bro?” Nursey teases.

“Oh my God, shut up.”

Nursey raises an eyebrow. “Why don’t you make me?”

Dex presses his lips to Nursey’s quickly, pulling away almost the second they touch. Nursey doesn’t comment right away, so he risks a glance up. 

Nursey’s staring down at Dex’s lips, forehead creased like he’s deep in thought. “Hmm. That was too fast,” he states. “Do it again, but slower.”

“Are you fucking kidding—”

“Stop arguing and kiss me.” 

Dex kisses him again, parting his lips slightly and processing the feeling of Nursey’s soft mouth moving against his. He tries to hide the fact that his breath catches in his chest when he moves away.

“Mmm, I’m still a little unclear,” Nursey declares, the corners of his mouth curving upward. “One more time?”

“I hate you,” Dex says, but he leans in once more.

This time, Nursey cups the back of Dex’s neck and swiftly slips his tongue in his mouth. Dex inhales sharply, and rests his hands on Nursey’s waist. He takes his time pulling away. 

When he opens his eyes, he sees Nursey watching him with a shit-eating grin on his face. 

“I forgot what I was supposed to be doing that time. Can we try again?” he says, fluttering his eyelashes at Dex. 

“You are ridiculous,” Dex groans, dropping his hands back down to his desk. 

“Took you long enough to catch on.” Nursey tips his head down so his face is inches away from Dex’s. “You liked kissing me, didn’t you?”

“No,” Dex grumbles in an effort to retain some of his dignity, but his mind can’t think of much else except Nursey’s mouth, hot and slick on his. 

“Then why’d you keep kissing me?”

“Because you kept asking!” 

“You could’ve said no.” 

“Whatever. You _also_ kept kissing me.” 

Nursey leans back casually, giving Dex room to breathe. Amusement lights up his eyes. “Yeah, dumbass, because I wanted to.” 

Dex opens and closes his mouth, but he has nothing to say to that. For a long moment neither of them move or speak. Dex drums his fingers on the edge of his desk and Nursey studies the floor. 

“So can we—” Nursey starts saying at the same time Dex says, “Does this mean I can—”

“You go first,” Nursey says. 

“No go ahead.” 

“Stubborn.” Nursey shakes his head. “I was gonna ask if we could get back to kissing.” 

“Oh thank God,” Dex sighs, grabbing Nursey by the front of his shirt and tugging him back in.

**Author's Note:**

> this started off as mostly a joke and turned into something semi-serious 
> 
> comments/kudos/bookmarks are always appreciated! :)
> 
> come say hi to me on tumblr! [@omgdexnursey](https://omgdexnursey.tumblr.com/)


End file.
